Absolute Apology

This angry fucker starts in the will
Guilt or shame drive it with anger
Divided the apology by an unchanging heart
On the other side of change
It starts as a dream
Absolute apology

The absolute apology
Brings Anorexic back from near death
Rescues refuges on the boarders of war
Most of all it accepts our children at night
Before sleep they'll know without a doubt
That the anger will disappear someday
To hell with the hatred
We accept you all
Accept now, our absolute apology

Theirs one condition
If not met dwell in the creation of code red
The last attempt of your child before the ruining of life
Change yourself within and create true acceptance
Or devour forever their love and dreams
Parents and bullies change now
Unchanging foundations
The killer of your apology

Absolute apology
Start in our angry hearts
Change is to accept our children
Despite the hate for yourself love them
Even if they're Gay, unprofitable or weak
Sing this chorus for apologies of the heart
Acceptance and the eternal momentum
Of change

Media: Our New Empire of Rome

Tireless are the roads of Rome
A new empire of conscripted war
Children indoctrinated with guilt
Unacceptable unacceptance
Families lost love long ago
When the roads went up

Rome, Oh Rome
You inspire my nightmares
Wicked dreams prolonging suffering
Delaying my one wish from mainstream
A matrix of scattered pieces
Am I an angel of anorexia
Or inside am I a demon
Either way I see
I fight forever

Tireless are the waves of Rome
Impeding the victory of true shame
A media inspiring guilt killing chivalry
An empire of dirt conscripting thin slaves
Mirrors at every turn resulting in unacceptance
Images portray digital representations
Unreal but believed anyway

Rome, oh media empire of hate
Accept yourselves before portraying images
Stop pretending we can all be the same
As the models upon pages you air brush
Morality of media bow down and obey
I am the Villain an Anorexia Angel
Save my siblings at my side
Or be torn asunder
As we fight

The Final Find: All of You

Found beauty before the end of life
As I handed the Devil my death certificate
I thanked him for all the challenging days
Hoping I relieved some pain for all of you

He bowed and blessed me
I'm dead now and a pillar in hell
I might stand forever on fire
So you might suffer less
Acceptance of my fate
I adore all of you

When the daylight breaks
You'll find my empty shell battered
My soul was broken and very used
I spilled my heart and soul for all of you
Embraced the consequence of being locked inside
An internal anorexia mirror
I survived this for you
Everyone one
Every day

A privilege to exceed my own expectations
Put none on me, but that I wish to be near you
Everyone, everyday, you don't have to survive alone
At night, watch the world pass by outside
And think of your current or future love
Think of me fighting for you....
In every moment
Of every day
Everyone

Until my very last night
When my dreams calm down
As I pass from the bitter sweet shadow
Of this bullying time in our beautiful world
When the Devil grants me my last wish
A pillar in hell I shall eternally stand
To reclaim the suffering of siblings
Giving them hope for another day
That they might find their dreams

Just Hear Me Out

I am but a messenger so listen to me
Everything I am is for your benefit
All were born into this painful existence
Accident or purpose we're all here
Our hearts beat for true love
Acceptance breaths tears
A love like blood
Flowing

Just hear me out
Crafted, created or formed
Accident or purpose reality or shadow
Inside we all cry out for what makes no sound
Love is the concept of acceptance
And acceptance equals change
Do the math and dedicate

Whatever you believe
There is a haven for all to hide
A refuge for those who suffer
It is in the acceptance some never know
A father's hug or a lover's embrace
Some are lies others are the reasons we live our life

Just hear me out
Crafted, created or formed
Accident or purpose reality or shadow
Inside we all cry out for what makes no sound
Love is the concept of acceptance
And acceptance equals change
Do the math and dedicate

Too Far: An Infinite Rescue

You're never too far out
The waves carry and I pull in
The depths of the archive to find your name
Remember I search for hope in your life
Until I am buried in the grave

Anorexia in the mirror
No matter who you see
I'm glad you made it this far
The pain hurts and there are many scars
They'll never disappear but the suffering won't last
Not if you find hope in and refuge in this gift
My Anorexia Angel Guardianship

If all I could see of your remaining life
Was a wounded hand above the grave
I'd fight with all my power to pull you to my side
Then infect you with the medical code of red
An Anorexia Trauma of the Angels
A guardian calling you by name

Anorexia in the mirror
No matter who you see
I'm glad you made it this far
The pain hurts and there are many scars
They'll never disappear but the suffering won't last
Not if you find hope in and refuge in this gift
My Anorexia Angel Guardianship

It's a back breaking mental picture
The rest of my life alone for this cause
If I reach just a you and your family
I swear I'll carry on with your memory
Mine is photographic you see
So tell me your story
I'll never forget...
You

Anorexia: A Man Amazed(In Doubt)

Once I was truly unique I was truthful always
Now I blend myself in to mainstream
A beard since 16 my only make up
Skin deep and broken inside
Only my bad traits ever
Draw any attention

I am a man amazed
Becoming thinner day by day
Until I am accepted without a but…
But now I am told to eat
Another unacceptable thing
Rinse and repeat the cycle each day

Maybe I never cried myself to sleep
But I had nightmares of people changing me as I slept
Take scissors to my hair when will they be happy
When I am beautiful, thin enough, or conform
I could never pretend
Or truly rest inside

I am a man amazed
Becoming thinner day by day
Until I am accepted without a but…
But now I am told to eat
Another unacceptable thing
Rinse and repeat the cycle each day

I look in the mirror my reflection isn’t happy
Knowing I’m accepted ‘no matter what’
Unless I am gay or unless I f*ck up my life too bad
When will who I am be worthy
Will I ever be enough…

Anorexia: Angel of Shame, Redemption

Anorexia broke me completely
It almost won the war
But I turned the tides
In the last battle
Overpower

I prevailed the enemy
The invisible creature in me
A bitter all-encompassing struggle
Did I break away a guardian angel

Shame turned me to guilt
Unacceptance of self-arose subconsciously
Susceptible to disgrace I ignored the prompt
Then one day I hurt someone else
Someone I loved more than myself
Now I live to be something for you all
An Anorexia Guardian Angel

Shame helped guide
Sh*t was broken inside me
Recognition of facts and circumstance
I had and have anorexia and bulimia
A man broken by his own nature
Which I must change now
For everyone

I prevailed the internal enemy
An invisible mentality of unacceptance inside me
A bitter all-encompassing struggle is the war
Breaking free to become dedicated
An Anorexic Guardian Angel

Anorexia Angel

I can't promise much
Not that I'll always be standing by
In the heavens looking down
A sculptured beauty without crime
But I dedicate myself to you
I, Anorexia Guardian Angel

Acceptance always felt like half truth
Not a fully formulated harmful toxic lie
I accept you but… That’s how it was with me
As I walk on now I’ll be your Anorexia Angel
One in ten and .05 population, that’s me
A unique Guardian
Anorexia Angel

I want to be in your company
Learning your story and history
I cry inside as others stand by
Whatever I can to make sure you’re all growing slowly safely
I dedicate to become your imperfect angel
An Anorexic Guardian Angel!

Remember who you are today
Don't buy in to the mirror’s self-conscious anxieties
Remember you'll find someday,
A sweet lover’s acceptance for company!

Remember who I am
Throw away the dirt and pain of the past
Don't buy in to the denial of this villain's truth
I am the sculpture of an Anorexia Angel

Acceptance always felt like half truth
Not a fully formulated harmful toxic lie
I accept you but… That’s how it was with me
As I walk on now I’ll be your Anorexia Angel
One in ten and .05 population, that’s me
A unique Guardian
Anorexia Angel

I dedicate every living breath to you
To be able to find you, wherever on earth
You all will be the only thing I see

Pushit

I push faith
Past failing ideals
Broken seals for comfort
Using the only thing left
My rage

But even I have a limit
Six of seven unique shooter
The last round meant for...
I may be a killer but my only murder was me

Pushing faith
Past failing ideals
Back into love and acceptance
The golden rule is forever
Rage is not

Even I had a limit
Six of seven shots used
The last round always meant for...
I may be a killer but my only murder was me

Oh God
I was not made of dust but of rage
Fleeting are my moments to describe
How life is worth living despite the troubles
So persevere past the wound past the crime

Oh conscious creator
Aware and yet allowing
Marched myself off to the shoreline
Where waves are forevermore red
There the seventh atonement ended
The seal broke and the world opened
The choice before all mankind
To believe in love as reality
Or deny love
To find what they have or had
Always was and is half loneliness

Mankind Rules

I obeyed mankind's rules
Played nice as they ruined the earth
Each year they proclaimed triumph
As the planet rumbled on
Beneath our very toes

Wherever mankind rules
The rest of life changes
All sinks under concrete and dust
The staples of progress on it's way

Obeyed the rules of mankind
Watched as millions of children died
Starved while food rotted in restaurant trash
Withered in dehydration as lakes went dry
From oil wells and fucking tar sands

Wherever mankind rules
Life withers with the change
We have respect only for the dead
The living we kill off or relocate
In the name of progress

Heart of Habit: Gown of love

I nearly died walking alone in life
The habit of loneliness is sorrow
Every human soul desires love
So lets attempt to break it
The habit untouched so far

It's a beautiful dress
No disguise or lie at all
Your heart looks great
In the gown of love

I awakened that night
As I saw the warmth in your eyes
An endless castle of hidden hope
So unlikely in the damage and guilt
Kick the habit and never let hope go

It's a beautiful dress we're creating
No disguise just two wounded lives
Your heart looks great in that gown
The valiant armour of love...
Begins inside the self

How can you

How can you believe in God
When you can't see what's up his sleeve
As children starve and die in the streets
I say mercy and justice are not known fully to me
If anything we could rescue all if we want
But corporate domination of political greed
Controls the transfer of salvation today

It's simple really
My heart looks all around
Seeing affirms my belief
That despite the suffering
All mankind is imbued with morality
In some it is broken or denied

Creation or evolution
Either debate is a waste of time
The divine devours and instills dreams
Or the randomness of self aims to please
One is always lost the other seeking
A path either way always crumbling

It's simple sort of
My spirit looks all around
Seeing affirms my belief
That the dying world is unique
The evidence we see is the same
So allow me to say in all honesty
Whoever is right doesn't matter
All I want is unity and peace
Mankind is imbued with morality
In some it is broken or denied
But shame on those
Who hide it
For greed
Or lust

Down in any case
We the conscious humanity
Are in the seat of our own choice
Heaven hell or reincarnation
Soul protected who we become
Is our very own dominion

Dominated by pain
Instead of confidence
No God or luck can tell you who you are
Molded as clay by your faith's trial by fire
Or by pains path of reclamation to the self
Either way, the foundation is acceptance of love

As Advertised

Of all the things I've advertised
I am not a ray of the sun
Crash landed on earth
An angel and witness

Am I a good man your pissing away
From wounds and fears of memories
Or am I a piece of life you've been missing
My spirit and all my blood grow weak

Abducted an unconfident beggar
The nucleus of forgiveness and acceptance
Not a perfect ray of sunshine
Crash landed upon earth

I am here naked in front of you
See all of me valiant and broken
Spat on and pushed so far out
Almost beyond reach
But who will claim me
As I drift farther out

Am I a wise geek floating away
Watching you cry from this memory
Or am I a piece of life worth putting out a life line
My blood and all my soul grow weak as the wind blows
I'll be a dot on the horizon on a Sunday mourning

Disease of Horror: Demons

The demons tell you it's over
To talk with yourself for all your years
That jumping out of your skin to find love
Is your only means so dream on forever
How the love watching us run in circles

Could never understand you completely
Maybe with a multitude of years and love
But all I want is for us to shake it the wounds
Let go the past and this loneliness disease

Like vultures instead of parrots in our ears
Mixing us up getting us to give up early
As if each day was no moment at all
That the end is a reset to year zero

I want to understand what I can
Maybe after a multitude of loves years
Then the wounds will be forgiven
As the demons disappear
Even after you wake up

Bleeding to Sleep

Please don't bleed to sleep
Love is the greatest purpose
What seems an obscene gesture
The truth of love dancing at our lips

Your approaching the limit
Flat line by harmful events
My heart rate terrifies me
Please hold on Don't let go
There is a reason to live
Such a beautiful life

I hope you die
With love upon your lips
Realizing in the fading light
I presented without refrain
All my life in hopes
You'd find a reason to live
A purpose upon earth
So I might hold you a while

Please don't bleed to sleep
Love is the greatest purpose
What seems an obscene gesture
The truth of love dancing at our lips

Your approaching the limit
Flat line by harmful events
My heart rate terrifies me
Please hold on Don't let go
There is a reason to live
Such a beautiful life

Oh my God cancel my debts
My wounds have paid my price
If grace is real let me follow her
To heaven or on a rescue mission in hell
If I fail then I'll be the one forever all alone
A journey of an ended life I followed after shortly

A Billion... And One

I could write a billion words
Would any of them reach the heart
An open letter of my complex combinations
Validation of both wound while affirming desire

Wrote a billion characters
If only I wrote just one more
But something went terrible wrong
I couldn't make payment for the ransom

A piano plays in the background
My only confidence is my drive to care
Amidst my demons of a hollow reputation
Validating my loneliness and failed messages

Wrote a billion words
I wrote until my lungs collapsed
The loneliness I chose after it ended
Solitude on the field of war correspondence
Paying back my crimes with truth for ransom

Passive Aggressive Controller

Refresh the frame rate
One dimensional transaction
Stirring anger unlike the love from ink
Quickly now plug the antivirus in
Passive aggressive controller
Turn off before it's too late
Find the kill switch
And regenerate

My half truths
Punched like fists in your face
I didn't lie but still an ill statement
Really I denied the truth of it all
Your feelings and our fate
I could be a failure

Take this mechanism from me
A parasite of passive aggressive control
It's release relieves many frustrations
Doc how long till the cure kicks the habit
I'm afraid that's determined from within

My motives for silence were lame
The loneliness crept in, fuck my mistake
Your not crazy for being angry with me
I denied the truth of it all
Emotional validation
My great failure

Refresh the frame rate
One dimensional text message transaction
Stirring frustrations unlike the love from ink
Quickly I must run to be at your side
Accept my apologies I am sorry
Passive aggressive controller
That's me hopefully I turned it off
Hit the kill switch to give respect
Regenerate love
Before it's too late

Barely Believing: Love can Change

You attempted to force my hand
But I just wouldn't let go
I believe in love
more than me

Even if all it does is rain
Forever downcast in shame
Lingering the ghost of pain
I shall not regret the change
That I chose to take

All alone before a checkmate
While outside the window it rained
I crashed the board onto the floor
For of this life I couldn't just let go
I believe in love even for me

Even as the thunder struck the lightning
Downcast my head with many shames
He came wounded to my heart's door
Knocking until I could take no more
I opened the door and he changed my life
Love is worth the living for

It is something I'm just beginning to comprehend
So force fuck the checkmate of fate
I'll die later on in life but for now I'll live on
In a city of darkness and dreary terror
Until I am wholly new before the end

Strong and Caring: Alone

May my life surprise
Graft scars over open sorrows
Wounds repair or worsen with words
As long as the possibility of one is there
I shall venture on amidst loneliness

I'm young and strong
I've got time to knock
Upon the door of change
For the people of this world

Oh God may I surprise hearts and mind
Grip them from the throws to feel more alive
This is the power of words to wound or repair
My greatest and only creation is empty
For there is nothing new under the sun
My voice is calm amidst the storm

I am young and mobile
Could die any day now
Must unlock more doors
To rescue the wounded
Give them a possibility
To see a hope in life

How to live:

Been a week since I've seen your face
But my memories are fading to gray
Your always half in and out of my mind
Wake up and come back to me
Where those pills took you
I cannot follow

How could I live on
When my lover wants to die
My other half desires to abandon time
But there's no medical code for this
My heart wants to recover

Only a month since you've been gone
I see your face behind me in every mirror
Wish you were here at my side
Telling what's on your mind
But into your visions
I cannot follow

How could I live on
When my lover wants to die
My other half desires to abandon time
But there's no medical code for this
My heart wants to recover

Already they want me to deny your life
Sign here sir and we'll pull the plug
Life support for the unconscious
A coma from an overdose
Am I in your dreams
I cannot follow
My you

How can you live on
As your lover attempts to die
Stand by and watch the dreamstate
Wondering if she came back would she try again
How can you not give up or surrender
As the apple of your eye slowly dies

Does it wash all the good memories away
I want to squeeze your hand
Tell you I love you so
Come back to us
Back to life

I miss you much
I watch the days pass by
I miss you so much
If I had you back
How hard would I try
Come back to life

Damage of Tonight: Every Word

When it's almost over
When you say you want to bleed
When your eyes shut to sleep
Don't let it be our final goodbye

Your wounded and sick
From all the damage done
Pacifism is the worst defense
A mechanism contributing to sorrow

When the horror sinks deep
When you want to end it all
When trauma hits home again
Please don't let this night
Be our last goodbye

Your wounded and sick like me
My mental image of self is damaged
Took a beating amidst loneliness like you
Denial contributed to the won't I gave
Are we but mechanisms of sorrow

I won't give up
Not now not tonight
I don't understand much
But I value each and every life
I could learn from the evil or the wise
Before justice must bear down upon
Both the wise and the villain die
How could I grow for other's sake
Before I like them accept the grave

Mother or father: Alone

I needed you
However it began
I'm nearly a shadow now
Incarcerated by demons
Your silence it empowers them
Alone I stand torn soon down

I held you down
Held you down
With childish words
You claim to know who I am
But you watch the fires burn
As my foundations crumble down

Who the hell do you claim to be
Mother and father I needed you
You were all I got I needed you
A child born of your blood
Now a shadow standing alone
Still crying you usher me out of sight and sound
To schools and programs without a glance

I held you down with my grade school words
With all my childish dictionary might
Told you how he stole my virginity
In my own bedroom late at night
Again on a late eve drive home

What crushed me most
Is when I needed you
Nearly as shadow I was
Incarcerated by demons
You didn't listen to a word I said
The uncomfortable truth was too unkind
I was a child wasting your fucking TV tube time
Alone I stood until my hero devoured the regret of nightmares
Once again of love I can truly dream

Who the fuck are you
The people who craft us
Children born of your blood
What have you all become
Pawning us off on schools and churches
By your own hands do you fuel the fires
Will we strive to survive amongst liars
Or surrender only one knows

I held you down
Held you down
With childish words
You claim to know me inside and out
I am a mere shadow sitting alone crying out
Screaming out as you watch the fires burn
As my foundations crumbles down

A Call To Arms: Golden Rule

This is a call to arms
Keep the golden rule
For some of us it's all we've got left
Even if your loins yearn for love
Or eyes lust for bloodshed
Work out the toxins
Be brave

So when nearly done be brave
The thirst of blood mingles with loves final kiss
To be lonely is to already exist in the grave
An entrance to exit from agony is equality
Karma endowed this so live it every day
If you cannot then bow your head
And live as one on your knees
Prey

A horn blows
Most men ignore it
But you and I aware
We tremble in the dark
Could not imagine the terror
Of love pushing us from isolation

This is a call to arms
Keep the golden rule of equality
While troops march on to devastation
Will we enter hells flames or leave our mark
Following slowly the signs of love in life
Their eyes lust for bloodshed
Be brave

So when nearly done be brave
The thirst for love kills the cave of loneliness
To be alone is to already exist already in the grave
At the entrance to agony not equality
Karma endowed us for every day
If you cannot bow your head
As one on your knees
Prey

Fate Alteration Engine

You changed it all
My fortune exploded early
As I was raped late that night
Fate of will drove destiny far away
Ill intentions destroyed a precious life

If only I could write
Something new to alter my life
The engines of fate can sway
This way or that to change
If I could let go the pain

You changed it all
In the dark where we are alone
Paralyzed you started the engines of fate
I bled that terrible night while my arms flailed
As you stole my true lovers first right
What if a bastard your seed created

If only I could dream
Of something new to alter my heart
The engines of fate would sway
Changing the hurt to love in my life
If I could let go the pain

Fuck you, your a predator not a human being
No one deserves to be the victim
You stole all my dreams for many years
How I hate your child molesting kind
Preying upon helpless lives
Fuck you, go to prison and die

Before you go...
As you die and pass away forevermore
Let me tell you of the man that I adore
Who looks upon me with love daily renewed
What you stole and destroyed
He rebuilt in time

A love
For my life
So think of this
As there is no forgiveness
From high above or down below
You are a creature without a soul
Into the void engine of fate you now go

Tricking the Self

Try to trick myself
Into believing I am happy
When love is always missing
Breathing the paralysis of loneliness
My breathing stops my heart is dry

For the last time
I allow myself to write
To dream and see the lies
Love is dead and all is lost

You can't trick me
I'm not real I was never born
Living is for me was a jest
The mirror hurts my vacant eyes
Who can describe me after I'm gone

I didn't lose anything as God dimmed the light
Lost it all so long ago when love died from my soul
Anyone could tell this as they gaze into my empty eyes

Tricked for the last time
I was living love in a dream
Woke to find you still lost from me
A contemporary hero living a silent tragedy
Millions of written words hidden by locks from eyes

For the last time
I trick myself to write
A dream that is a sea of hope
Of a time before romance was dead
The love one lost and driven away
Wandering on with a hear full of fear

A Misstep of Destiny

Could it be
I misstepped the dance of destiny
A path I claimed to smile upon
So much pain I've caused and seen

Gestation period of solitude in my cave
A pregnancy of pain
Trolls my digital self in a city
Alone in mechanical shadows

Could methane release me
Seen too many things behind chemicals
On a vacation for the soul and mind
Medication leaves my heart slow
Lagging behind creating scar

Gestation period of solitude in my cave
Could I be worthless with all my scars
My digital self left to troll trade
Alone in mechanical shadows

Could I have forgotten love
Open my mouth before my mind
All my words speak mean nothing
I am walking scaring tissue
Expect me to regret the cost

Could it be
All the geeky lines
Oh yeah that was me
It was truly real as I tried
To show you love without disguise
That was the broken mirror image
Of the disgusting creature I am

The Uniform

I bear the uniform of dirt
A standard of ash and filth
Covered head to toe in aids
My own charred and pillaged flesh

A uniform of guilt and pain
An unrelinquishing weight
Insanity is my only cure
To the unending thoughts
That dissuade me to stay
From leaving this world

Half buried in blackened sands
Napalm burnt dogs gouge at my body
While charred children pass me by
Covered head to toes in aids

An evil white man they see
A uniform of corporate greed
My flesh is my heart in another's hands
Toss out after repackaging from memory
Terminated due to toxic disease

The uniform digs into the skin
An unrelinquishing enemy
Drowning in an addiction to find a cure
What can end these tragic thoughts
They dissuade me from remaining
Desire to leave this world

Beautiful Pain

You were beautiful
When conscious in control
Sorry I'm no perfect specimen
A broken image from a vile

We'd be exactly what we desired
If only we both had hollow expectations
But pain and memories got in the way
Are you lonely or still alive

Beautiful toxic symptoms of love
Infected both of us most of the time
But we could not kill all our past demons
On my knees inviting believe in your worth
Always remember your beauty and what you deserve

For all of our heart's desire
Something went terribly wrong
The hunter tab target misdirected
And both of us fell for the bait

I hope you now realize
Without resignation your worth
Despite demons from your past
You have great beauty
Potential to achieve

In the end
If you remember me
Think of all the love I was
Before I was overcome
And gave up the fight
I am a man imperfect
Always recovering

Believe in Fire

Do you believe it's too late
I don't believe time heals anything at all
Defend the right to focus target until the end
Just say when, be absolutely clear

I believe in fire
But not in fairy tale ending
So here's my fair and final resignation
To live alone amidst a pyre of my own words

I don't believe in too lates
Two wounded souls surrending
This doesn't add up to a right
How can I just sit here heart on fire

Too little is another term for a weak push
But still it's an attempt to open the door
However hard consider both sides
Before walking away forever
One life multiple shots
Before surrendering

I believe in love
I believe it is what you make it
Divide yourself to alternate consciousness
Be aware to inflict what is lovely
Always a 50/50 chance of getting it right
But forgiveness is the key to life

Beautiful Unique

I stand in snow white fields
Where wild blue roses grow tall
Barely able to brieth the air is numb
This is the uniqueness of our universe
My heart beats to remind me I'm alive

A wine bottle breaks and wings form
She drifts away as love released from a cage
Beautiful fumes escape on all hallows eve
Transformed by the power of creation

We ran through fields of concrete trees
Where men shrank into dwarves filled with delusions
Swiftly we flew past them as fairies upon stardust
Unique is humanity but why so much conformity
our hearts beat to reminds us we're alive

A ship cristened a cage for the soul
A champiagne glass of jade shattered the hull
From it's ashes rose the bottle that was broken
Beautiful transormation of rebirthing

What a surprising noise
Our heart beats mine alive
Waking us from a downward spiral
The five senses have saved us

Before all the tear glands go dry
Cristen your soul ship to sail with mine
I've been walking solo too long
Damaged in need of repair
Dreaming of your soul

I'd Rather

If you see me along the road
Commit me to little attention
Let me walk by downcast
I am an illusion of a man
An image near death

If heaven is perfect
I abandon the course
Don't wanna go anymore
I deserve the pain inflicted
Eternal solitary confinement

I'd rather walk on alone
Than wound another heart
I'd rather attempt to part the sea
As I plunge head first into the deep
Inhaled last breath before the fall

If heaven is perfect
I abandon the course
Don't wanna go anymore
I deserve the pain inflicted
Eternal solitary confinement

Please father let me die
All I do is cause suffering
My soul to take that I may unwake
Before the front gates of hell
Or running laps around heaven
Until my penance for pain is paid
Eternal solitary confinement

If you see me along the road
Look the other way and don't look back
If you do you'd find a translucent image
Invisible right in front of everyone
Just let me take the plunge
Knife deep like your pain
Deep into the skin

Part the sea
Commit my heart to death
Self inflicted solitary confinement
Should have known my wings were fake
Lucifer pinned them on at birth
In doing so he sealed my fate

I'm no guardian angel
Even as I speak I create a dungeon
Suicide suffering your heart questioning
Lose another life by any means
Couldn't even love you right
Just another lonely man
On his long road to hell

Waiting for: A New Memory

Maybe it's truly over
And we're both back out on our own
Hope I reminded you of true love
Even for a moment
Of what your waiting for

From your eyes I couldn't tell
If it hurt to watch me leave
But my eyes teared up as I looked back
And didn't see you waiting for me

Now I fall asleep alone
The world isn't so large
A universe apart and I see you
Behind my lids during sleep
My dreams are nightmares
Of fighting and losing you
Over and over and over
Until I wake once more

Sad Work: Breaking

Sadly this is my life's work
Destroying hearts on accident
My own riddle breaks my soul
Time to leave life behind and go

So take me out to the gallows
Inject the chemicals to make me sleep
Who would want to live on after all I've done
Pity the living no just the lonely and unloved

My signal has expired
No more life of love crimes
A creature of heart torment
How romantic my devices
Handsome at a distance
Come no closer please
Enjoy the view

Lead me out to the gallows
As I fall take your eyes from me
Inject the fate chemicals of sleep
No more dreaming of fixing the damage

Fall at the mathematical breakdown
No treasure is held in my eyes or smile
My sad life's work I'm tragically unprepared
So instead of love I destroy beautiful hearts

So toss me out with the dead
Leave me alone like the cursed
Do not lead me on like the lost
Willingly I fall of the face
Of our unique earth

The Last Trade

Saw you trollin trade
An undead beautiful vampire
Standing beside the bank of org
Inflicted a wound so grievous
I got deleted from every friends list

So lets trade
My life's worth for yours
So you can be free of pain
And I'll take yours as my own

Saw you trollin trade
Filled with contempt
For me or a man in your mind
Still I wounded you so deeply
At least in game I'm simply me
Not compared to someone else

So lets trade
My joy for all your pain
Your joy is worth my life
So you can be free of grieving
I'll take every moment you'll ever have
Inhibited by suffering upon me
A solo mission all my own

I walk between empires
A solemn highway usually empty
Which one took the easy road
Was it me when I spoke ill
Or your deletion of me

So lets trade
My life's worth for yours
So you can be free of pain
And I'll take yours as my own

Broken Romance

Nothing I could ever write
Would help you see the reasons why
We are two sides of opposite coins

Romance is dead
The last time I saw you
I became a villain who ruined it all
Trespassing after curfew I gave notice to
It wasn't as serious crime until I saw your eyes
Dead was our romance no tears would you cry

Who I was I'll never understand
Forgiveness and love walk hand in hand
I don't believe I'll ever see the reasons why
We are two sides of opposite coins

Romance is alive
At least it was last time
Or is it all gone forever lost
Whatever you desire I'll become
So for now I'm a guilt filled villain
One who dark clouds follow and rain upon

We will never comprehend
Love is a villain of eternal turmoil
Forgiveness is it's greatest asset
But we both forgot that long ago
Is romance dead or close to alive
Is our tale just another tragedy
I'm so sorry for being me

Nothing I could ever write
Will help me understand myself
I am all alone in my odd cause
Close my eyes to see you near
Again I'm sorry for my crimes
Romance is forever
But I am a moment
Fleeting and gone

Describing Simple Facets

My sweet book warm
Intellectual sexy egghead
Manifestation of black and white
Geek and goddess despite the toxin
Loneliness longing for love's specimen

Dark karma controller
Can we avert paths of anger
Sense the damage modifier when they draw near
From the smallest creature to our human heroes

I the grotesque distorted scholar
A monster of holocaust repulsion
A mutation of vile wisdom and venom
The toxin is love's broad spectrum

Dark gods above and below
We didn't avert another sad end
Lost our sense of love in angry circles
The smallest words to heroic poems

I, Making the Most of Evil

A mannequin within religion
What God would make me this way
I begin to loosen my own noose
But is the damage already done

I the bastard villain of hollow love
Crafted when the devil mounted my mouth
He came deep and pillaged my Holocaust frame
The hour of healing came and went
I wasn't on the short list
No one called my name

A veiled man blinded by bright white
Karma like God wouldn't build us this way
Lets begin to loosen our own noose
Is the damage too deeply done

I the bastard villain of mental disorders
Crafted when the devil mounted my face
He came deep into my open mouth
Pillaging my wilting Holocaust frame

I'd like to thank the devil inside
For breaking so many keys
To love's locked doors
While I thank God
For nothing anymore
I die slowly

My apple didn't fall far from the tree
And I'm so sorry I'm such damaged goods
What father's hands would make a son this way
I wanted to be just like myself better for you

I'd like to thank the devil inside
For so many lonely nights without you
The door isn't completely locked
While I thank God for possibilities
That there could be so many more
Nights not alone

Unmatched

Where karma etched itself in our minds
Where God wrote the commands in stone
They are both within our hearts
All is one and we are the same
Love is and always will be
Our only eternal home

I was unmatched
My resting place unprepared
Is now an unmarked grave
Who cared never came

Where the past and future collide
Where mankind forgives is not with time
There you'll find my broken body
Upon blazing shores stained red
From blood shed amongst tears

I was unmatched
My resting place unprepared
Is now an unmarked grave
Who cared never came

Look upon my corpse upon the tree
Chose the only truth I could unfold
My bias was written before birth
For on the beaches of the stars
There I was wrought to pass
A test unmatched in this
Ocean desert place
Called solitude

Where Love and hate become beggars
Where the moment and the eternal mingle
There you've gone too far for rescue
Turn back to find me before sinking
I am the bastard who wants you

Backlash Forwards

If I could speak into your depths
Would you hold my promise vain
To truly listen as love unfolds
Control and comparison
I am me sometimes

You shall always be
Wounded and beautiful
But always in the moment you
Take back the push
Tossing me away
I am not your trash
Am I

Tame not the flame in me
Controlled conversation is debate
A system of destruction or war
Our path is openness for both
Not my silent consent
Until bidden speak
I am no slave

You shall always be
Wounded and beautiful
Until love finds you complete
But always in the moment you
Take back the push
Tossing me away
I am not your trash
Am I

My flame is no slave
Tame me to your heart
Be with me in the moment
Hear my words as I speak
Do not attempt to control fate
Either you and I are equals in everything
Funds spent and in time to speak
Or I am a shadow of my own end
Weakening under the thumb
Of a beautiful wounded geek

Pyre for a Long March

For now
I trudge on into a bleak future
Following a lonely shadow
Until I pass silently away
Dead flame of faith

Love was my pyre
It was too great
I cared too deeply
Imbued for a gesture
I could never explain

She came
The problem was sorrow
I was nearly no more than ashes
Stumbling upon neutral ground
Until control beckoned my silence
And I passed silently away
Dead pyre of flame

Love was my fire
It was reason and faith
I cared too much
But never saw results
My changes charted
Never trusted or matched
The expectations unexplained

Love was my pyre
It was too great
I cared too deeply
Imbued for a gesture
I could never explain

Why do I exist
Why am I so abused
Why does it make me happy
To give fuel to changes
Life's daily cycle seeds

One Way Return

Just let me go
Just let me be
Finding my last breath
A burden to your soul

I broke into your heart
Forwarding wounds like spam
There is no redemption for this
No return ticket from hell

Just got there dead alone
Just after I found her
My sweet shadow
Yet I burdened her soul

Now I've come full circle
To the place they'll bury me
The animation of tragedy is who I am
Controlled for a moment by a promise
Untill the dead light screamed go
Hell has no return tickets
Not for me

No Sleep Less Rest

I don't care who you were
Come out of fucking hiding
Show me who you want to be
A wounded rage filled girl
Or a honourable maiden
A geek worth my all
Either way I'm sorry
I'm sorry I say
Shit

I can't fall asleep tonight
I've got to change my life
Wounding others in my aftermath
Is no life worth the living

I don't care
You can't fool yourself forever
Don't wake up stoic to my pain
Don't regret but prey about why
Living in what if's equals suffering
It's not what you deserve
But it's what I get

I can't fall asleep tonight
I've got to change my symptoms
Traumatizing others is killing me
This is no life worth the living

Don't ever forget
Don't wake up wondering
Never forget how you felt
When I breathed life upon your neck
You're worth more than my pitiful fight and flight
I'm begging you for all love's lonely sake
For the right hero come out of your cave

I can't sleep
Blessed are the lonely
For they shall one day awake
To find themselves amidst love
May they never forget
But forgive their past

I don't care where you are
Not where you were last night
All this time I've been searching
The timing wasn't at all right
But your last shove of me away

Was it your heart's hurt
Or to achieve an easy way
I'm sorry I gave up wounded
And walked away that night

If this is Closure

Disclose that I'm a mess
If this is closure it's a shitty end
Not even a picture to remember you
This is the amalgamation of all my wrongs

In my final act I couldn't speak
I was no longer a lover
Simply the enemy
I recall the pain
Unbearable

Documents released tonight
I show all the signs of an asshole
A fucked up tragedy of a life
Force myself to swallow
For all my wrongs

Now I walk on pretending
That my life could ever again be right
Now I walk on having broken another heart
I am the man I never wanted to be
Embrace the villain not chivalry

In my final act I couldn't speak
I was no longer a lover
Simply the enemy
I recall the pain
Unbearable

No picture to remind me
Of your beautiful sings of life
The impact of words or the lack of
For all my wisdom is the downfall
Who gave up was it you or was it me

I don't care, I'm so so so sorry
Sorry I was weak and not strong
Sorry I seemed a picture of your mom
Sorry I reminded you of his death
Sorry I lacked the resolve of silence
If I could sing, I'd sing this song
The million words I've written
Of the pain I caused you
Since it's been over

Tri-Force of Children

Process of elimination complete
I was compared and put in a box
Courage wasn't enough for such a fight
It's hard enough being my own man
While battling wound I didn't inflict
I'm sorry love for all I did or didn't
As you ushered me out the door

Now walk on in peace
With your tri-force of children
They can teach you so much about life
Let go the staple labels and embrace love

One is an asshole black and white
His best friend is tan with golden eyes
Eldest sibling is a beautiful soul state
Alaska loving heart embraces you

A process of grieving
I can't recover from this
Such a beautiful face dark eyes
Gazing into them was safety of soul
Could she ever say the same of mine

I was gaunt and terrorizing of a man
Reckless and relentless to feel right
A mental medical code I can't deny
Distress not for ocean eyed me

Now walk on in peace
With your tri-force of children
They can teach you so much about life
Let go the staple labels and embrace love

No more asshole but simply odd
Embrace them all as apples of your eye
Alaska can teach you temperament of rage
They love you in ways I could not
A thing I cannot ever explain

The Final Chance: Awaken

The final chance
Feeling your heart beat against mine
Brought us closer to the divine
Sorry I never made you happy
The pain inside was a cage
Despair kept me at bay
Arms length creating scars
Wounds covered by more
Our final chance came
And went before
We noticed at all
Before our eyes

I'm so divided
Whose side are you on
I can hardly tell some days
Are you with me or against me
Am I waiting for a miracle or a wish
Is it dependant upon a God deep in space

The final chance came
Brought us closer to forever apart
The divine spirit wished for change
But swallowed was all my energy
The sound of flowers growing
Was all I ever felt at all
My final chance came
And went before
Your eyes

So divided
Whose side were you on
Could hardly tell some days
How could I continue to wait
All my miracles and wishes dissipated
Whatever gods in space left me in despair
I must be a tragic villain of disgrace

To the Past: Desert of Illusion and Pain

Ran away
Run away
Look away
Sickness of face
It's stage for illusion
Lying images that decay
Time wastes all that is fake

Trolled by evil shadows
The mirror pings my eyes
Reveals the trauma of mind
Haunted by Jesus in me
Like a voice in the desert
Reason inflicted upon us
All

Don't run
Don't flee
Walk together
Into far far away
A never land fairy tale awaits
Lying safely in each others arms
While all around streams tragedy

Troll the forums of all images
Mirrors reflect statements never made
I the illusion of a villain with Lucifer in me
Like a voice in the heart of the desert
Jesus said as if screaming
Can you hear me now
To all

Put away the pain
Forgive but never forget
Time heals nothing alone
We must challenge and react
This is the motion of change
It is daunting but necessary
Every day to engage
When we wake up